Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
