Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize