Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
