no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
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