Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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