Will you blow on my dice?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
and you fell through a lawn chair
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