dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
only you would photoshop your dick
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Randomize
