Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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