I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
