i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
You had me at "let me see your balls"
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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