Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
How does it feel to date your dad?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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