I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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