If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
