I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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