idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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