That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
we're making bets on your personal life
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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