Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Randomize
