I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Randomize
