OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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