I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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