do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Four minutes until I can fart!
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
