I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize