the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Princesses don't give blow jobs
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
