when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize