yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
