she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
