The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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