Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
