How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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