You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize