3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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