So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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