Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
