Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Boobs are out for the taking
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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