Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
