i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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