OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
