So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
