I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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