remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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