Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
