He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Randomize
