so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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