:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
