yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize