I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
