i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
