are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
im having a threesome with these popsicles
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Randomize
