You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
