I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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