sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
