Already got asked if we're dating
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Barsexuality is the new black.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
