Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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