I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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