If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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