At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
