i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
