You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize