so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
