words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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