im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
