Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Randomize
