haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
