So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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