did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
