So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
