I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
