she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
