She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
