I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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