The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
